Expert Q&A

My husband wants to coach my daughter’s soccer team this spring, but she is fighting the notion tooth and nail. Should I intervene?

Yes, but only to an extent. The first step in this situation is communication. Often, family arguments are fraught with drama and behind-closed-doors complaining. To avoid that, get your husband and daughter to sit down, and ask each one why they feel the way they do so they can understand each other. Each one should explain their expectations.

Should they decide to go ahead with the coaching, it's very important to set up written ground rules so they don't embarrass each other on the field! However, if the fight continues after discussion, remember this: This is a typical conflict, and kids at certain ages often feel embarrassed by their parents. Don’t make too much of it; it’s not a matter of values or you teaching right from wrong. If your daughter says there are no circumstances in which she would feel comfortable, then it's time for Dad to step back and let her play without his help.

I suspect your daughter is not feeling especially free to just play the game with her dad doing the coaching. And if he really wants to be a coach, perhaps he can find another team and support his daughter by watching her games from the stands.

Expert Pat Wyman is a best-selling author and teacher of learning strategies. She is the founder of HowToLearn.com.

Recent Advice

I’m pregnant and my first child will have just turned 6 when the baby is born. How can I make the transition as smooth as possible when I bring home the new baby?

My 8-year-old gets frustrated if he doesn’t win a board game or can't solve a puzzle right away. How can I teach him that it's OK to lose and that learning things takes time?

My 8-year old daughter doesn’t like to drink milk. What else can I feed her to increase the amount of calcium she is getting?

I am a single mom with a full-time job. I need to hire a baby sitter to pick up my daughter from school and stay with her until I get home. What are some good qualities I should look for in a baby sitter?

On most nights, I’m pretty good at gathering the whole family for dinner. But my three kids (ages 4, 6 and 9) all gobble down their food and go running away after just 15 minutes of together time! How can I make family time last even after their plates are cleaned?

My daughter, who’s now 8, has been sucking her fingers since birth. My husband doesn’t want to use the appliance the orthodontist suggested. I ignored it for a while, but now it’s affecting the shape of her mouth and teeth. Please help!

My 3-year-old son is very active -- he runs from morning till night. Without a nap, he’ll hit, bite, scream, kick and yell. I’ve tried everything to get him to stop, but nothing works. What should I do?

My daughter is in kindergarten, and it’s hard for her to get up in the morning. She goes to bed at 8 p.m., wakes up at 6 a.m., then cries and refuses to eat or get dressed. What can I do?

How do I raise a confident child?

I want to raise happy children, but I’m worried that my husband's battle with depression could affect their feelings.

My 5-year-old tells lies, or “stories.” They aren’t hurtful or malicious, but I find it hard to believe him. How do I stop this?

My 7-year-old daughter is extremely shy. She won’t introduce herself to anyone and refuses to join other girls in their activities. Is this just a phase?

For the last month, my 6-year-old daughter has been very “fresh” with her father and me. Whenever we ask her to do something that’s within reason, she tells us no, and if we fight back she runs away crying. We just want her to learn a little bit of responsibility. Are we expecting too much from her? What can we do?

My kids (two boys, ages 5 and 8) are always tattling on each other. How can I get them to work out their differences without involving me every time?

My 10-year-old daughter got a hurtful email from a classmate: "We don't like your new haircut, you look like a boy. We don't want to be your friend." What can I do to help?

I have a 9-year-old, and I have to repeat myself to get her to do what I ask. How can I handle this so neither one of us gets frustrated?

I am a mother of a 6-year-old boy who still sleeps in the bed with me. How can I make him less afraid of sleeping on his own?

Seems like every time my preteens forget to do homework, it’s the teacher's fault or my fault -- but never theirs. How do I teach them to take responsibility for their mistakes?

My couch potato kids and husband refuse to participate in any kind of formal exercise program. What can we do as a family that will get them up and moving -- without them realizing they're doing something good for themselves?